Performance Anxiety
When pressure takes over pleasure
Even if you’ve had positive sexual experiences before, anxiety can suddenly take control.
You might start worrying about, “What if it happens again?!” - Losing an erection, finishing too soon, or not being able to stay present.
The harder you try to control it, the worse it seems to get.
Performance anxiety is one of the most common barriers to sexual fulfillment - and one of the most treatable.
It doesn’t mean you’re “broken.” It means your body’s stress system has taken the driver’s seat in a moment meant for connection.
Therapy can help you quiet that internal pressure, rebuild confidence, and reconnect with pleasure rather than performance.
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Understanding Performance Anxiety
Sexual performance isn’t just physical. It’s deeply tied to emotions, expectations, and how we think about ourselves and our partners.
When anxiety shows up, it triggers a physiological response that makes arousal harder: the body is trying to protect you from perceived threat, not open up to pleasure.
Common triggers include:
Fear of “failure” or being judged
Worry about erection, orgasm, or lasting long enough
Pressure to please a partner
Stress, fatigue, or burnout
Past negative experiences or sexual trauma
Body image concerns or self-criticism
Excessive porn use or unrealistic expectations
Communication breakdowns with a partner
These factors can create a self-reinforcing loop: the more you worry, the harder it becomes to relax, and the more disconnected you feel.
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How Therapy Helps
Therapy gives you tools to calm anxiety and reconnect with genuine desire and intimacy.
Together, we’ll work to:
Understand your anxiety triggers. Identify thoughts, habits, or experiences that fuel pressure or avoidance.
Rebuild confidence. Learn grounding and mindfulness techniques to help your body respond calmly in sexual moments.
Shift focus from outcome to experience. Explore new ways to engage with sensation, touch, and connection without judgment.
Strengthen communication. Practice expressing needs and fears with partners in ways that invite understanding rather than tension.
Redefine success. Move from “performing” to “connecting,” allowing space for imperfection and curiosity.
You’ll learn practical exercises you can apply between sessions; real tools that reduce fear and create space for genuine closeness.
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Inclusive and Affirming Care
Performance anxiety affects people of every gender, sexual orientation, and relationship type.
For some, it’s about erections or orgasm; for others, it’s about identity, confidence, or trust.
Whether you’re gay, straight, queer, partnered, or single, therapy can help you untangle the anxiety from the intimacy and rebuild a sense of ease in your body and mind.
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What to Expect
Free 15-minute consultation: 15-minute call to explore your goals and comfort level.
First session: Identify triggers and begin developing relaxation and grounding strategies.
Ongoing sessions: Build awareness, test new techniques, and increase comfort in real situations.
Most clients begin to notice reduced anxiety and improved confidence within a few sessions.
My Approach
I combine Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), with sex-therapy techniques and evidence-based behavioral tools.
We focus less on “perfect performance” and more on expanding comfort with vulnerability, sensation, and connection.
As both a Licensed Psychologist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, I bring an integrated perspective that connects emotional regulation, physical response, and relational trust.
Ready to Begin?
You don’t have to keep worrying about “what if.”
You can feel calm, connected, and present again; with yourself and with others.
Let’s talk about what’s been happening and create a plan for change.